I Love the Students, now not so sure about the Teachers
We had Sports Day at Tsunan Koko today. The weather was good, the students were genki and it was a great day. I love the way the students are so enthusiastic about all the events.
Afterwards, around 5pm, I was making my way back to the English room to finish up and I got talking to one of the teachers. They asked if I knew about the enkai that was going to start in an hour. I said no. They asked what would my reply be if I was invited. I thought then asked about the venue and the cost. Taking this in, I played the all-purpose "Sorry, I already have something planned" line. I also mentioned that I'd feel awkward going having being asked just an hour before it started. "How so?" asked the teacher, so I explained that in my mind, if I was wanted at the enkai, I'd have been asked well in advance. So, being asked so late would make me feel unwelcome. The teacher tried to explain that not being asked earlier might mean that the list used by the organiser wasn't complete but the damage had been done. I said to the teacher that I hoped they enjoyed teh enkai and carried on to the English room.
By the time I got there, I'd wound myself up and got quite angry. "They forgot me?" "Don't I walk around teh school photocopying and printing enough to remind them that I still come every Tuesday and Wednesday?" "If there was a list, shouldn't the teachers I work with have noticed that my name wasn't on it?" "Why didn't they talk about an enkai when we chat?" "Am I not part of the school anymore?"
On the drive home, the voice of reason tried desperately to look for less sinister reasons; there are a lot of teachers (well eighteen) so on name could get lost, maybe they thought you wouldn't be visiting today, maybe they didn;t realise how much you liked enkais. But still, the feeling of abandonment remained. I find the worst feeling in Japan is the feeling of being an outsider, that you're surrounded by many things that are not your own and you feel no part of it. This enkai business has really brought this feeling back. I thought I was getting on with the teachers. I thought I was working hard and showing I was someone you could trust. I thought that speaking more, especially to the non-English teachers, would improve relations. Does the enkai snub mean that I was wrong?
Afterwards, around 5pm, I was making my way back to the English room to finish up and I got talking to one of the teachers. They asked if I knew about the enkai that was going to start in an hour. I said no. They asked what would my reply be if I was invited. I thought then asked about the venue and the cost. Taking this in, I played the all-purpose "Sorry, I already have something planned" line. I also mentioned that I'd feel awkward going having being asked just an hour before it started. "How so?" asked the teacher, so I explained that in my mind, if I was wanted at the enkai, I'd have been asked well in advance. So, being asked so late would make me feel unwelcome. The teacher tried to explain that not being asked earlier might mean that the list used by the organiser wasn't complete but the damage had been done. I said to the teacher that I hoped they enjoyed teh enkai and carried on to the English room.
By the time I got there, I'd wound myself up and got quite angry. "They forgot me?" "Don't I walk around teh school photocopying and printing enough to remind them that I still come every Tuesday and Wednesday?" "If there was a list, shouldn't the teachers I work with have noticed that my name wasn't on it?" "Why didn't they talk about an enkai when we chat?" "Am I not part of the school anymore?"
On the drive home, the voice of reason tried desperately to look for less sinister reasons; there are a lot of teachers (well eighteen) so on name could get lost, maybe they thought you wouldn't be visiting today, maybe they didn;t realise how much you liked enkais. But still, the feeling of abandonment remained. I find the worst feeling in Japan is the feeling of being an outsider, that you're surrounded by many things that are not your own and you feel no part of it. This enkai business has really brought this feeling back. I thought I was getting on with the teachers. I thought I was working hard and showing I was someone you could trust. I thought that speaking more, especially to the non-English teachers, would improve relations. Does the enkai snub mean that I was wrong?
Niigata JET Blogs
1 Comments:
Stop being so paranoid. I'm sure noone would miss u out on purpose. Sara has the same attitude - that people are against her. Just think positively bud xx
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